I only had one or two friends when I was a pupil and later student, and thorughout my life I found it difficult to get people close to me.
But not because I don't like people.
On the contrary, I admire human creation as a miracle and from all the universes into which I could have been born, the most beautiful of all universes was chosen for me.
But that was exactly where my problem was:
Play Pacman, or Nintendo - or whatever is the craze today -;
Watch sports; drink beer together to get into a different mood;
Watch TV or stream Netflix or Prime.
Everything is good and everyone should do it to their heart's content.
But please don't burden me with it.
I have problems letting people approach me because I have such a great respect for the gift that God or whoever it was has in store for us:
That immensity of mind, the ability to spot problems and change the status quo.
To create, not to consume.
To recognize, to take up not pre-chewed content, but to reproduce your own achievements.
I can't and don't want to sit on the sidelines. Better to actively be the worst player with my abilities than to feel great by talking about - or identifying with - great people.
I am not extremely religious in the classical sense. But I'm also incapable of becoming an atheist (and admittedly, I've tried).
My idea is rather following spinozean approach of a universal god of creation.
Because I am sure:
Unless I strive to use the full capabilities of my mind just limited by the amount of time we have. I am missing out on God's gift, creation. And thus, myself.
May we finally realize: God, creation, and we: It is one and the same.