I only had one or two friends when I was a student, and all my life I have found it difficult to get people close to me.

But not because I don't like people.

On the contrary, I find human creation a miracle and from all the universes into which I could be born, the most beautiful of all universes was chosen for me.

But that was exactly where my problem was:

Play Pacman, or Nintendo - or whatever's in today -;

Watch sports; drink beer together to get a different mood;

Watch TV or stream Netflix.

Everything is good and everyone should do it to their heart's content.

But please don't burden me with it.

I have problems letting people approach me because I have such a great respect for the gift that God or whoever it was has in store for us:

That immense mind, the ability to spot problems and change the status quo.

To create, not to consume.

To recognize, to take up not pre-chewed content, to reproduce it as own achievement.

I can't and don't want to sit on the sidelines. Better to actively be the worst player with my abilities than to feel great by talking about or identifying with great people.

I am not extremely religious in the classical sense, in the sense of religions. But I'm also incapable of becoming an atheist (and admittedly, I've tried).

Because I am sure:

Unless I strive to use the full capabilities of my mind just limited by the amount of time we have. I am missing out on God's gift, creation. And myself.

And we probably finally realize: God, creation, and we: It is the same.